Review of After by Amy Efaw

Title: After
Author: Amy Efaw
Published by: Penguin Audiobooks
Length: 9 sound discs (ca. 10 hr.)
Source: Library
Format: Audiobook
Rating: ★★★

Summary from Goodreads:  An infant left in the trash to die. A teenage mother who never knew she was pregnant . . .

Before That Morning, these were the words most often used to describe straight-A student and star soccer player Devon Davenport: responsible, hardworking, mature. But all that changes when the police find Devon home sick from school as they investigate the case of an abandoned baby. Soon the connection is made—Devon has just given birth; the baby in the trash is hers. After That Morning, there's only one way to define Devon: attempted murderer.

This was an extremely hard book to listen to.  It had nothing to do with the author's writing or the narrator.  Both are wonderful, but the actual story itself is one of those stories that makes you squirm a little and question everything.  There were often times that I just needed to turn it off and listen to some bubble gum pop just to wipe my mind of this story.  The whole time I listened to this book my head raged with different opinions.  They changed so often during the story that I'm still not sure what I think about the situation.

Amy Efaw has a way of turning your previous thoughts and reactions to a situation completely upside down.  My first thought about this book was that this young girl must have been so ridiculously terrified and my second thought is how could she?  There were parts where I despised Devon and other parts that I felt sorry for her.  I'm not sure if I'm exactly comfortable with the fact that Amy Efaw manipulated my emotions like Play-Doh, but I guess that is testament to her skill as a writer.

Throughout the novel you discover more about Devon's journey and her complete and utter denial of her pregnancy.  I'm am no psychologist, so I don't really understand the whole denial to the point of not realize you were pregnant until giving birth.  I'm sure this happens, but for me it is not something I can truly grasp.  There were also times that Devon seemed so naive that it just baffled me.  I found myself feeling very protective of her one minute and horrified by her the next. 

After is the type of novel that will stick with me for a long time.  I'm not really sure what I think about the situation and I'm hopeful that I never have to serve on a jury dealing with this issue.  Part of me wishes I was ignorant about situations like these so I don't have to deal with the emotions and trying to figure out my thoughts.  All I know is I'm glad I read this novel, but I definitely need a light and fluffy book in my future.

Review of Hold Still by Nina LaCour

Title: Hold Still
Author: Nina LaCour
Published by: Speak/Penguin Group
Pages: 231
Source: Bought
Format: Paperback
Rating: ★★★★

Summary from Goodreads: In the wake of her best friend Ingrid's suicide, Caitlin is left alone, struggling to find hope and answers. When she finds the journal Ingrid left behind for her, she begins a journey of understanding and broadening her horizons that leads her to new friendships and first love. Nina LaCour brings the changing seasons of Caitlin's first year without Ingrid to life with emotion, honesty, and captivating writing.

Heart-wrenching, poignant and captivating.  Hold Still is a novel that starts with heartbreak and guides us along Caitlin's healing process.  While at times this novel was difficult to read, it was also beautiful exploring Caitlin's and Ingrid's relationship and how Caitlin deals with being left behind.  It was such a raw novel and Nina LaCour made you go through the spectrum of emotions never expecting what was going to happen next.  

I can't imagine being Caitlin.  She's lost and confused after Ingrid's suicide.  She really doesn't know who she is as a person without her best friend there.  Soon she discovers Ingrid's journal underneath her bed and page by page she starts to understand more about Ingrid's disease and gains information about a side of her that Caitlin never knew.  By the end of the novel Caitlin turned out to be a thoughtful and very delightful character.

While Caitlin takes over the majority of this novel there were also some wonderful side characters.  Dylan is a spunky, spitfire of a character who is so unique you get a bit excited because she feel like a breath of fresh air.  She seems so cool that I was almost intimidated by her and yet she always seemed to know the right thing to say and do.  And what are YA novels without a little bit of a love interest.  At first I was suspicious of Taylor, but by the end of the novel I felt immense gratitude for him.  He is just a plain wonderful guy.  Dylan and Taylor came into Caitlin's life at the perfect time and seemed to reach out a hand as she was drowning in her grief. 

Nina LaCour wrote a beautiful novel.  Not only do we get to experience each stage of Caitlin's grief, but we also get to see her take back control of her life.  Caitlin meets some new wonderful people and finds out how to keep Ingrid in her heart, while also making room for new people. Hold Still was powerful story that will leave you with a bit more strength and a lot more hope for life.     

Review of Hate List by Jennifer Brown

Title: Hate List
Author: Jennifer Brown
Published by: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Pages: 416
Source: Bought
Format: Paperback
Rating: ★★★★

Summary from Goodreads:  Five months ago, Valerie Leftman's boyfriend, Nick, opened fire on their school cafeteria. Shot trying to stop him, Valerie inadvertently saved the life of a classmate, but was implicated in the shootings because of the list she helped create. A list of people and things she and Nick hated. The list he used to pick his targets.

Now, after a summer of seclusion, Val is forced to confront her guilt as she returns to school to complete her senior year. Haunted by the memory of the boyfriend she still loves and navigating rocky relationships with her family, former friends and the girl whose life she saved, Val must come to grips with the tragedy that took place and her role in it, in order to make amends and move on with her life.

Hate List is an emotionally stunning novel.  While reading this novel so many emotions and feelings are brought to life and they are never what ones you expect.  The villains are not always the villains, and the good guys are not necessarily angels either.  Once you think you figured someone out, a new piece of information is brought forward that changes your outlook.  It is very true to real life and shows the complexity of human emotions...both good and bad. 

Valerie is broken.  She doesn't understand exactly what happened last spring and even more importantly why it happened.  Valerie is such an interesting character and one who is in a very unique situation.  While she isn't the one who shot anyone, she is the one who started the Hate List and she did love Nick.  As the you learn more about Valerie your opinion of her may change.  Even after reading this novel I'm not quite sure what to think of her or how guilty I believe she is.  At times I wanted to scream at other people that she isn't the one who shot anyone, but on anther page I wanted to tell Valerie that her actions are not completely without fault either.

Hate List is one of those books that really makes you think.  One of the reoccurring questions is who is to blame for all of this.  Of course, Nick is the one pulling the trigger, but what about all the actions that led him to pick up the gun.  What about Valerie and the Hate List?  What about all of the bullies?  This is a difficult issue to discuss because a lot of the bullies died or were injured, but at the same time the bullying was never really discussed with the school.  There were times it was brought up among the student's themselves, but I wonder how much of it was brought up with the faculty and the parents of this school.

There were situations in the novel where Nick was bullied that I was literally in tears.  I felt so much for him during these times that I wanted to reach out to him.  I know that being bullied is not a reason for him to go around shooting people and I'm not justifying his actions, but I understand a little more about where his pain and his anger came from.

Captivating and thought-provoking, Hate List is a book that will stay with you long after you've finished reading it.